Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We have started to decorate penises.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
