I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
