tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
