Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
