I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
