Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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