If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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