I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
