So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
