But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
