At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
