hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
