Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
