it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
