My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've blown a few things in my day
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
