I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
