my phone needs a breathalizer
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
