meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
high people should be assigned attendants
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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