Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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