"it" just moved
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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