Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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