i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
