You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
