a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't put those talents on a resume
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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