its not stalking. its research.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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