FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
