so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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