You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
