I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
