Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
