Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
