Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
