i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
