i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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