you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
