Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
