Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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