Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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