Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
