FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
