During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
