just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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