Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
