do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
