I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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