So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
