The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
