My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
