All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
