Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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