i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
