he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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