i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
