i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
