Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
