Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
