I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you had me at cake vodka
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Congratulations! We have a period
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
