And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize