The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
