Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
