I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
