Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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