That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
