Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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