just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
