Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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