Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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