The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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