i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
