i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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