spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize