I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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