Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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