tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
