he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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