Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
