I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
