I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
